028. When I realized I'm not a "new mom" anymore
My unexpected end-of-the-school-year thoughts
As Kindergarten comes to an end, I thought I’d have so many feelings surface… and I do. It’s also been a very charged time lately with everything happening in the news so that hasn’t helped either. I’ve been flipping between trying to be present for my young child and this milestone for her while trying to contain my feelings about the world right now, and I gotta say—it has been extra hard. But I felt like writing this thought bubble down while it was still fresh… I have all of the typical end of the school year feels of lamenting the passage of time, and I won’t bore you with those. However, one thing that I wasn’t expecting was this realization: I’m not really a “new” mom anymore.
I mean, I think one is always experiencing new things as a mom because your kids are still “kids” for a long time. But it suddenly dawned on me as I reflect on the past school year that I’ve entered a new era—one where I actually feel more seasoned and experienced, even as I still have many “firsts” to go.
As this year ends, I realized that for the next few years until middle school, I already have a better idea of what this school is like—although I’ll probably still never figure out the weird minimum days. Provided we don’t change schools, I feel like we’ve eased into the school community and we’re not the new kids on the block anymore when it comes to the school activities and lingo. Come fall, I could see myself be the one reassuring the new kindergarten parents and telling them how great each of the different teachers are. That’s how it goes right? One day you’ll get to turn around and help the mom who is in the shoes you were once in.
I also remembered there was a time when I looked at other moms who seemed to be rocking motherhood and wondered how I was ever going to make it that far. Even having a one-year-old seemed so incredibly wild to me. And somehow I blinked and we’re here at the end of our kindergarten year. Is this what they mean about time slipping through your fingers?
My daughter’s teacher had us write her a letter to put into a time capsule that she helped the kids make at school. We’re supposed to open it when they graduate high school and right now I cannot even fathom that. While that seems so far away (and recently the future just feels so impossible), I also have a feeling I’ll be in disbelief at where the time went when we’re sitting down to open it together in the future.
I know everyone has their own moment where they might feel this transition from new to seasoned. I guess for me the end of kindergarten also meant my own graduation out of the “new mom” phase. Then I look at my friends who became moms around the same time and maybe it’s just me, but I almost feel like we all exude this same subtle confidence now.
So as we wrap up kindergarten, I feel a mix of sadness that my baby is growing up, but also excitement for what’s to come. Is anyone else in this boat feeling the same? Like, bring it! I feel more ready to take things on, now that we’ve had this year under our belt. I know there’s still going to be so much to learn, and I’ll definitely still have to navigate a lot of uncharted waters (hello tween years!), but I think I feel more equipped or mentally aware to handle even the unknown.
And I guess I wanted to share this revelation because at one point, I really never thought I’d arrive here. One day, it just kind of happened (or I suddenly realized it.)
So for anyone who is struggling, for the mom I was when I was barely surviving a day at a time through postpartum depression, I want them to know that there is this day. It is possible. When the newborn days are long and you wish they’d speed up to the good part, just know that the good part will feel like it almost came too fast. Just keep going a day at a time right now. Time is such a mirage and you’ll be here before you know it.
As for summer, I hope we’ll get the chance to slow down a bit and just enjoy each other.
Spontaneous ice cream dates.
Lazy pool days.
Parks and forts.
Game nights and gardening.
Books at the library and camping with friends.
Lemonade stands and popsicles. (See my newsletter on our summer tradition of selling lemonade.)
As my therapist reminded me last week, my goal was to be intentional with my time this year, so I’m trying to prioritize summer slowness and savoring the time that will surely slip away too soon…and trying to consume news in mindful amounts. 😮💨
In other news…
As summer approaches, we also take a break from Healing the Tigress podcast recording to spend more time with family, which means Season 2 is officially over! I cannot believe we have consistently put out episodes for 2 seasons, and it’s quite surreal that this is still going on. We’ll be working on background things for Season 3 slowly over the summer and returning in September after school starts! You have time to catch up if you are behind! And we’d love a rating or review if you have just a moment to spare. 🙏🏼
If you haven’t had a chance to listen to any episodes this season, one episode that got a lot of love (and for good reason too) was Dr Jenny Wang’s episode for AAPI Heritage and Maternal Mental Health Month in May titled “Permission to Break Generational Cycles.” (The title of the episode was based off of her book “Permission to Come Home: Reclaiming Mental Health as Asian Americans” which I recommend to any AAPI parents or non-parents!) I would highly recommend a listen to this episode, (Episode 38) for any parents trying to break generational cycles and figuring out how to parent in a way that honors our children’s mental health too.
I’m in the middle of writing another newsletter about how interviewing Dr. Jenny on this episode has given me some tools and reminders for when I feel my own inner tiger mom impulses arise. So that should be coming out next!
And finally, I’m trying to work on picking up my phone less in general when it’s unnecessary. I know I may have mentioned reading The Anxious Generation before, and one of the takeaways is also my own habits and modeling to my child how to be more present in the world or when we’re with each other.
I was shocked how many people saw responded to this in my stories last month. I took this photo above from a presentation I went to on screens and social media last month and this is what a child therapist took away from some of her sessions with kids. It damn near broke my heart and was another reminder that if we want our kids to be on screens less, then we also need to show them we’re doing the same. So a big summer goal for myself is to be on my phone less… But I know I’m not perfect and it will likely be easy to slip, especially as the world seems so unstable right now. I can’t get into that right now, so we’ll see how it goes.. 🙈
Wishing you all a fantastic summer with your families, especially if your kids are hitting some of those school milestones too. 🙂 Stay safe out there, and be kinder than necessary—we’re all going through something and just trying to do our best. ❤️
xo,
Jasmine