I grew up thinking that to have the "perfect" nuclear family, I needed to have a family of four. And then motherhood and postpartum depression humbled me.
This reframing has really resonated with me, so thank you for sharing it! I’m currently grappling with this massive question. I’m so happy and content with my daughter, our little trio is beyond what I ever dreamed. My husband is so adamant we’re done he wants to get the snip, which panics me, and makes me wonder, do I want more?
I do, but in a world where neither of us work and we’re surrounded by community. But that’s just not our reality, and so I’m having to go through the grief to accept that this is it.
Thinking of it as ‘one and won’ has made it feel like a much more exciting decision. Like we hit the jackpot and we have no need for another. Thank you 🙏🏻
Hi there! Thanks so much for this message :*) I really love hearing other people's perspectives and experience as no one arrives here in quite the same way. I can understand your worry when make a decision that seems so final there's no more room for another outcome. I'm really glad this reframe can make you feel like this is a freeing and open path, a positive journey--unlike the societal pressures that make it feel like whatever we do is not enough and there's always more to chase. I'd like to chase things on my terms :) And it's totally okay to live with the grief and the joy. Thanks for reading!! <3
I never realized how much societal pressure there is to have a certain family size until I read this newsletter. It's so eye-opening to see how personal choices are judged. Impressive work! 👏🌟
Thank you for this thoughtful and beautiful piece. I have never read a story that has so closely reflected my own (I have googled this topic an embarrassing amount of times - my son just turned 3 so that’s a lot of googling ☺️) and so I really just want to say thank you for having the courage to share your story in such an open and honest way. It truly was such a powerful read. Now to proudly say I’m one and won - not done. Thank you again!
Oh my heart. Thank you so much for leaving me this message. Believe me, I have also done my fair share of googling and trying to find single children communities on Instagram. I think we are less alone than we realize and hearing others' stories can really help normalize and stop stereotyping only children as being this thing that is somehow misshapen. It's not. It's beautiful and okay to be One and Won! <3 sending you love mama!
Thank you for this wonderful piece. I’m an only child with a 5 month old. I’m struggling a lot with PPD, being the sole breadwinner, and just the overwhelm of it all. I could manage more children but at what cost. I love this reframe as I feel joy when I think about our triangle family. I sometimes wonder why others have the capacity for more and I don’t but we all are just different and I rather regret not having more than resent having more.
Thank you mama for reading and your kind comment. I love that last sentence you said too! I often find people will keep telling me that I will change my mind. I have had providers telling me that for the past almost 5 years! I understood that I could potentially change my mind, but that's for me to decide, and no one else to tell me I'm going to do so. If you'd like to hear more on the topic, our podcast episode today might also be good to listen to. I mentioned how I rather regret an idea than a human life too =) Cheers to you and I hope you'll find help with the PPD too. Please let me know if you also need more support or resources for that!!
This was a wonderful episode! You discussed almost everything that goes through my mind about being one and won. I’ve finally accepted that I’m struggling so I’ve reached out to my therapist to start sessions again. Perhaps things can feel better than they do right now. Releasing myself from the pressure of having more children to meet social expectations helps lift the load just a little. Thank you so much for speaking so eloquently about this topic.
This reframing has really resonated with me, so thank you for sharing it! I’m currently grappling with this massive question. I’m so happy and content with my daughter, our little trio is beyond what I ever dreamed. My husband is so adamant we’re done he wants to get the snip, which panics me, and makes me wonder, do I want more?
I do, but in a world where neither of us work and we’re surrounded by community. But that’s just not our reality, and so I’m having to go through the grief to accept that this is it.
Thinking of it as ‘one and won’ has made it feel like a much more exciting decision. Like we hit the jackpot and we have no need for another. Thank you 🙏🏻
Hi there! Thanks so much for this message :*) I really love hearing other people's perspectives and experience as no one arrives here in quite the same way. I can understand your worry when make a decision that seems so final there's no more room for another outcome. I'm really glad this reframe can make you feel like this is a freeing and open path, a positive journey--unlike the societal pressures that make it feel like whatever we do is not enough and there's always more to chase. I'd like to chase things on my terms :) And it's totally okay to live with the grief and the joy. Thanks for reading!! <3
I never realized how much societal pressure there is to have a certain family size until I read this newsletter. It's so eye-opening to see how personal choices are judged. Impressive work! 👏🌟
Thanks so much for reading and being open minded :)
Thank you for this thoughtful and beautiful piece. I have never read a story that has so closely reflected my own (I have googled this topic an embarrassing amount of times - my son just turned 3 so that’s a lot of googling ☺️) and so I really just want to say thank you for having the courage to share your story in such an open and honest way. It truly was such a powerful read. Now to proudly say I’m one and won - not done. Thank you again!
Oh my heart. Thank you so much for leaving me this message. Believe me, I have also done my fair share of googling and trying to find single children communities on Instagram. I think we are less alone than we realize and hearing others' stories can really help normalize and stop stereotyping only children as being this thing that is somehow misshapen. It's not. It's beautiful and okay to be One and Won! <3 sending you love mama!
Thank you for this wonderful piece. I’m an only child with a 5 month old. I’m struggling a lot with PPD, being the sole breadwinner, and just the overwhelm of it all. I could manage more children but at what cost. I love this reframe as I feel joy when I think about our triangle family. I sometimes wonder why others have the capacity for more and I don’t but we all are just different and I rather regret not having more than resent having more.
Thank you mama for reading and your kind comment. I love that last sentence you said too! I often find people will keep telling me that I will change my mind. I have had providers telling me that for the past almost 5 years! I understood that I could potentially change my mind, but that's for me to decide, and no one else to tell me I'm going to do so. If you'd like to hear more on the topic, our podcast episode today might also be good to listen to. I mentioned how I rather regret an idea than a human life too =) Cheers to you and I hope you'll find help with the PPD too. Please let me know if you also need more support or resources for that!!
Linking the podcast episode here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-11-behind-the-choice-of-being-one-and-done-with-shannon-eng/id1708596547?i=1000647234510
This was a wonderful episode! You discussed almost everything that goes through my mind about being one and won. I’ve finally accepted that I’m struggling so I’ve reached out to my therapist to start sessions again. Perhaps things can feel better than they do right now. Releasing myself from the pressure of having more children to meet social expectations helps lift the load just a little. Thank you so much for speaking so eloquently about this topic.